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No real post tonight. Fighting off a bad case of the blues.
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This morning, I got an email from my mom. Grandpa C.’s cancer got worse, and the doctors give him weeks to live. He’s going to go into a coma, they’re not going to try to resuscitate him. And I feel lost. Grandma C. is already gone. The sweetest, most loving couple I’ve ever known, and both of them will be gone.
I may be away from the internet for awhile. Not exactly feeling the greatest.
Suddenly feeling really tired… and really out of it. ‘Melancholy’ is the closest word I can think of, but that’s not right either… Real post tomorrow.
And by “full post,” I meant a more complete life rant. Artsy things later.
I’ve been feeling vaguely awed recently. In this past year I’ve been through so many new experiences. Not all have been pleasant, and I’ve had to force myself to go through with some of them (since my core personality greatly fears change, and a number of other things). And it’s been so long that I can’t recite the complete list of “firsts” anymore. I know some of those experiences have been forgotten chiefly because they’re now part of my everyday life. But some of them can’t be taken for granted.
I’d like to share some of them:
I worked over the summer for the first time last year. Painting, a definite first.
I took up residence in an apartment before last fall’s semester. I went grocery shopping for the first time on my own, taking the bus and nervously following another rider across a busy street to the Hyvee.
I got used to riding the Des Moines buses. The drivers are a lot more courteous than the ones in Chicago, though the CTA’s expansive routes and late-night schedules make transportation easier.
I learned to cook by rote and recipe. I learned to cook by estimation and substitution. I learned that I can easily eat two servings by myself. I made sopa seca almost like my Grandma makes it. I learned that I inherited the “I think you’re awesome, so I must feed you” gene. I learned that people appreciate it, but not enough to do the dishes afterward.
I met Dan, and we went on a date (my first). I was only interested in having him as a friend. After awhile, I realized I like-liked him, and we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We kissed for the first time. Yesterday a song made me cry for the second time in my life because it reminded me of him, but he’s in Illinois…
Of my own free will, I asked my mom to help me clothes-shop. Of my own free will, I tried on tank tops. Of my own free will, I bought nice, business-casual clothing.
I discovered that Nathan Fillion is a salve for my depressive episodes (but not the cure).
I drank alcohol for the first time on my 21st birthday. There was strawberry torte and Fluxx involved. I can’t do shots. I don’t plan to get drunk. I do plan to try out my shiny new ID card as soon as I get a job.
I switched operating systems. Linux Ubuntu is so much more awesome than Windows.
I discovered a growing fondness for Des Moines.
I found shoulders I’m not afraid to cry on.
And miracle of all miracles, I am still not sick of ramen. ;D
I’ve revamped the blog quite a bit over the weekend. It makes me pretty happy. There’s still a bit more to do – like making a new “About Me” page, and making the Projects subpages easier to navigate.
But it’s been a busy weekend in general. Tomorrow’s my first day of the new semester, so I’m going to bed early. Catching up on other things will have to wait.